There is something enticing about an "open door." Every afternoon while Nathan naps, Brielle and I have quiet time. Brielle plays quietly in her room while I do something rejuvenating: take a nap, work on my "to-do list", read a book, etc. Bre does a great job of playing quietly, but usually about 20 minutes into quiet time I hear her bedroom door squeeeeeeak open. Occasionally it is because she wants me to help her with something, but often it is just because she wants the door open. She doesn't want to be alone and having the door open makes her feel so much closer to those of us on the other side. She is SOOOO my daughter. All growing up, I wanted to be the last one in bed and didn't want to take a nap because I might miss something if I did. My Mom tells me that, as a child, a day was labeled "good" by whether or not I got to play with friends.
When I was in high school, a different aspect of "open doors" became prevelant. I started hearing a very common phrase from my father, "Close the door, Kristen." However, in this case he wasn't talking about a literal door. He was referring to my inability to make a decision and stick with it. I didn't ever (and still don't) want to close a door on an opportunity in case I ever wanted to change my mind and go back and take it. It is very hard to move forward with the option one has chosen when they are still trying hard to keep the door open to the path not chosen. It just doesn't work.
Maybe someday, both Brielle and I will learn to be okay with closing doors. And maybe not. (but I am doing better! :) )
When I was in high school, a different aspect of "open doors" became prevelant. I started hearing a very common phrase from my father, "Close the door, Kristen." However, in this case he wasn't talking about a literal door. He was referring to my inability to make a decision and stick with it. I didn't ever (and still don't) want to close a door on an opportunity in case I ever wanted to change my mind and go back and take it. It is very hard to move forward with the option one has chosen when they are still trying hard to keep the door open to the path not chosen. It just doesn't work.
Maybe someday, both Brielle and I will learn to be okay with closing doors. And maybe not. (but I am doing better! :) )
9 comments:
We had to be sisters before we came - and I'm not sure I'm okay with us being seperated at birth - but that's not the point right now. When I was young I NEVER closed my door - and indeed, if I was sent to my room to clean it or some such nonsense - I made my mom come in and sit on my bed and read while I cleaned it so that any excitement would have to come through my door. As for now, the only thing that helps me is knowing that if Heavenly Father REALLY wants an opportunity for me - if I am following what I feel like He wants me to do - even if I inadvertently slam the door shut - it will somehow open again. I have to say, though, I am sure glad for some of the doors I DID open (but could have missed) like the one that opened me to your friendship.
Oh, and good luck with Brielleee closing the door when she starts listening to "music" - just kidding.
What an interesting post. I don't like to have my door closed either. I like my space, but I like to know I have the option of being involved with everyone else, too.
As far as making choices, I'm not always that best at the day to day smaller choices. When it comes to big things, I tend to know what I want and go for it. I don't always get it, but I try!
You SO captured yourself in this post. Beautiful writing. I had forgotten Daddy used to say that to you. You know that Frost poem,"The Road Not Taken"? . .. you never wanted to choose a path, but figured if you ran with all your might you could cover both paths in the time everyone else did one. You usually made it work, too . . . and that has made all of the difference.
That is interesting. In psychology, in the field of personality study, there is a personality trait that is this exactly - if one likes a decision made or one wants an "open door policy". I am one who likes the decision made and path chosen, whether it was the best choice or not. Drives me crazy to not know and go back and forth. But I can see how others always want their options. Anyway, it's always fun to see what personality traits go into make the people we know and love. :)
Interesting thoughts, both by you and others who've posted. I must be an "open door" person also since I'm having a hard time deciding one way or the other which kind of person I am. ;)
You write cute little stories like your Mom who needs to write a book. I am thinking you two could write one together now!
This was a wonderful post Kristen. I love your dad's phrase. I guess I am more of a closed door type of gal. I have to force myself to even crack the door.
This post made me think...thanks!
So very interesting to read. I would have to say I am an "open door" person, too. I am not very good at making decisions and sticking with them. I'm always wondering "what if" or wanting to know the "return policy." Rich often comments about my indecisiveness and says he's amazed that I agreed to marry him.
Profound.
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